


Behind green eyes

by mymusicalbox



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Canon character deaths, Heavy manga spoilers, M/M, Rated T for swearing, also yes title is a reference to limp bizkit, don't read this unless you've read the manga, eiji knows whatcha thinking Ash, even tho the original is called behind blue eyes, like a lot of them, mentions of rape and pedophilia, tad of fluff but mostly angst and character study, the fic in which the girl ash liked when he was 14 exists, this feels rushed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 04:56:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16298555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymusicalbox/pseuds/mymusicalbox
Summary: “Ash, you deserve this. Me. Feeling loved. I feel protected when I’m with you, I feel like my soul is bound to yours, what do you think I’d do without you? I know that behind those green eyes of yours you hide a lot of pain, but there’s also the person I’m in love with, this gentle, loving caring person who’s dumb and hates pumpkins and mocks me for hating moths and…” Eiji kept rambling about how much he loved Ash and…





	Behind green eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SabyPhantomhive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SabyPhantomhive/gifts).



Ash knew he had a problem, he didn't want to let go. He should have accepted that Griffin left, that he had to leave, but he refused to. Griff was the only support he had ever had. His mother left after he was born, and his dad was not much of a dad. He preferred calling him “old man” because Jim had always neglected both Griffin and Aslan. That’s why when Griff turned 18 the two siblings started living together.

 

Then everything fell apart. Griffin left. Ash killed for the first time. Was raped for the first time.

 

Nobody believed him to be innocent until the truth about the Bluebeard of Cape Cod was found, but at that point, it didn’t matter to Ash anyway. He didn’t have anything to hold onto anymore, so he left for the streets. He was just a runaway kid, but he was better off on his own that in that cruel town full of garbage.

 

Or so he thought until he turned 11 and Dino Golzine stripped him off the little remaining innocence he had. He began selling him as a sexual toy for old, perverted geezers as the likes of Dino himself. Ash felt terrified again, even more so than the first time. His abusers only wanted to take everything away from him; they even laughed when he started crying, sobbing, or inhaled sharply because of the pain he felt whenever they roughly pulled his blond hair.

 

It was a never-ending nightmare that couldn’t possibly get worse.

 

But it did when Dino brought him to his mansion and intended to turn him into his kind of “son”, if son meant sexually abused 14 years old who was forced to sleep with one eye open, gripping his pillow tight as if the sandman was going to enter his room.

 

Dino wanted to make Ash his heir, or so he was mouthing about most of the time. Ash was pissed, hurt, but mostly pissed but because he had learnt that the only true emotion he could feel was rage. He was just angry, in those little occasions when he still had a little humanity left inside of him and could feel something, even if it was something feral as rage. It was still something.

 

At least there was more than being beat up and forced to do things against his will in Ash’s life. It was truly saddening, that the only thing he could cling to was his street gang. Dino introduced him to one of the best street gangs in Manhattan, and contrary to what Ash thought, the guys were pretty loyal and hated the geezer’s guts, too. Downtown was in the palm of Ash’s hand and he would lie if he said he didn’t like -If that was the word- spending time with his mates. He couldn’t spend a lot of time with them because Marvin, the fat-ass, would show up and force him to return to the mansion.

 

He would also rape him if he felt like it.

 

In his world, every adult was perverted, sick in the head or overly disgusting. The only thing he had was remembering Griff and the people of his gang.

 

Until there was a day when she came to his life.

 

That day wasn’t anything special, he was just combing the area with his people because one of his friends had gotten his ass into trouble with some other gang and they had to look out for him.

 

Fatal mistake. You must never let your guard down in Ash’s world. You don’t know how you could end up, and that was for both Bones _and_ Ash.

 

Bones had lost his teeth in a fight with the rival gang that had cornered him, and Ash had lost his cool temper when before he could even punch the guy who hurt Bones, someone knocked everyone out.

 

It was a girl. Behind her there were another bunch of girls dressed quite similarly, but no one looked like her. The mysterious girl was wearing broken jeans, a large flannel plaid shirt and had light brown, short hair and ocean blue eyes.

 

She looked,.. Incredible. The look on her face was so full of _anger_ yet so full of life… Ash couldn’t believe himself.

 

“This is our turf now.” the girl’s voice broke the silence and had everyone staring at her, agape. Excluding Ash, who was thoroughly examining her. “So you better leave. Don’t you think I’ll save your little friend’s ass every time he gets caught in trouble.” She chided, looking straight at Ash.

 

Oh, so she was talking to him?

 

“Excuse me, I’m sorry we interrupted your tea party.” Ash countered “Bones has his orientation up in his ass and lost himself. Besides, the ones invading your so called “turf” where the gang you just beat up, so congrats on that, I guess?” Ash mocked. He was going to have fun with this.

 

“Hey” the girl said, stepping closer to Ash in that graffiti-filled alley “you better shut up or you will have _your mouth_ up on _your ass_.”  The girl snapped. Oh, he liked her attitude.

 

“Oh-“

 

He couldn’t end his sentence. Marvin tracked him, -in the end, even though Ash tried to run away, Marvin always tracked him- and broke into their conversation. Ash knew that this would mean trouble because Marvin felt deep hatred and disgust towards girls, and seeing Ash practically one inch apart from one wasn’t going to be of his liking.

 

Fuck. He had to get rid of the fat-ass, if he wanted to know more about that girl.

 

Ash was already starting to give up the chase because Marvin was pulling at his t-shirt and he didn’t want his friends to suffer because of him again. They were the only good thing he had, he didn’t want them to die or something just because they were close to a street punk.

 

And a murderer.

 

“Kelly, what are you doing?!” A girl shouted.

 

And everything happened within a second. Kelly shot Marvin on his right arm and grabbed Ash’s hand; everyone ran away and left Marvin there, cursing and screaming.

 

That was something, Ash thought as he was running alongside Kelly. That was the first time someone stood up to him since Blanca started teaching him how to shoot and already defended him from Marvin; but Blanca was busy that week and had to leave New York for personal matters, so Ash was alone again.

 

Kelly’s hand felt calloused. He was sure that she had fired a gun in more occasions than not, because she also looked older than him.

 

Neither of them spoke for a while, they were still running until they crashed in a nearby park, which Ash assumed was a place Kelly knew. After all, she had been purposefully driving them both towards that direction.

 

The park wasn’t that much of a park. It didn’t even _look_ like one. There was grass, two or three trees and a lot of mud here and there. It was also quite small and it was located in a zone that wasn’t really transited. It was probably Kelly’s hideout.

 

 

“Why did you bring me here?” Ash asked, as if to break the silence. Besides, he really wanted to know why did she save him if she appeared to hate his guts, as most people did.

 

“I don’t want more people to end up like me.” Kelly muttered under her breath while sitting in the grass, looking at the ground, knees close to her chest. She was still panting. They had a really long run, even though nobody was chasing them. Kelly probably had to run like that in plenty of occasions, Ash suspected.

 

“So now you’re a heroine that have come to save me?” Ash mocked even though he knew he shouldn’t have said that.

 

Kelly had really saved him but he was scared. Scared of attachment. Scared of having something more to hold onto. Because once you have something to treasure, you have something you don’t want to let go of, and Ash had had enough of that.

 

“Shut up. I can tell you’re trying to be tough.” Kelly said lifting her head and inhaling a sharp breath, “That man, Marvin, wanted to abuse you, right?” She asked. And before Ash could muster up a witty response, or the truth, she continued. “You know why Marvin looked at me that way? It wasn’t just because I am a girl. It was because he knew me. He won’t abuse me because he’s gay but his brother had abused me a few times. He abducted me when I was 9. I killed him breaking a chair in his head, hitting him until he was dead. After that, I stole his gun and I started living in the streets until I found the girls from my gang. Merry, the older one taught me how to shoot. He’s never tried to kill me thorough, since he wasn’t on good terms with his brother but he probably hates my guts because he’s seen me with you.” Kelly rambled on. She really opened up to the blond.

 

Her raw honesty and the pain in his voice ignited something in Ash.

 

“I was raped when I was 7” he started. “I killed my abuser when I was 8. I ran away from my town but Dino found me. Marvin is part of his people. He doesn’t let me breathe. Fuck, I am recently learning how to shoot thanks to a man hired by the geezer -who is not that bad as for having been hired by that demon- and I’ve thought of killing him. Guess a murderer stays a murderer.” Ash bitterly chuckled the end of the sentence.

 

“You’re talking to one of your kind, then.” Kelly chuckled, too. That was a beautiful sound.

 

Ash was scared. They just met and he was already starting to believe he could like her. He felt something in her that he had never seen in anyone else. They had a similar past, sadly, but Kelly had a whole different attitude. She wasn’t a coward, she wasn’t scared, she wasn’t trying to put all her sadness inside and play it off with an indifferent mask.

 

“I see. That was a nice shot. I’ve barely started learning, but I bet I can shoot better than you.” Ash said, smugly.

 

“I really doubt that.” Kelly cracked a smile while looking at Ash “Merry’s a really cool shooter and I’m a fast learner, you’d be surprised if I were to show you my full potential.”

 

“Why don’t you show me, then?”

 

“Why would I?

  
“Because you told me I’d be surprised and I want to be surprised.”

 

“Nah, I don’t want to offend you by being better than you”

 

“Then you don’t have to worry about anything because I assure you you won’t be better than me.”

 

And then Ash stood up and waved Kelly goodbye, since he had to reunite with his peers. As he was leaving the park, Kelly shouted to meet there the day after that at the same time, which Ash assumed by the position of the sun that it was around eight PM. Ash turned to look at Kelly’s dazzling smile, nodded and proceeded to return to his hideout.

 

When they met again, Kelly was wearing the same clothes. Maybe she didn’t have a spare or she just liked wearing that like Ash liked wearing his grey hoodie, who knows. Kelly was waiting for him with a smirk, twisting her gun in her hands with practiced expertise. Ash then confirmed that she was older and had experience with the usage of guns.

 

Maybe he’d had to ask Merry to help him while Blanca was away.

 

 _Or maybe not_ he thought as Kelly’s demanding “Get your ass down here!” brought him to reality. He had managed to escape from Marvin and the geezer and he was there, with someone who claimed to be a better shooter than him.

 

“I’ve brought my gun.” Ash said “I don’t let anyone hold it”

 

“And would you let _me_ hold it?” Kelly asked.

 

“I don’t even know your name” Ash countered. Their dynamic was entertaining and fun, he wasn’t used to that.

 

“Excuse me? _I’m the one who doesn’t know your name._ ” Kelly asked, pretending to be hurt.

 

“Really? I thought everyone knew me because people use to hate my guts” Ash let go.

 

“Why do you think people know me, dude? They hate my guts too. I’m Kelly. Kelly Momsen, even though you know that already”

 

“Ash Lynx. And now could we get started already?”

 

Kelly grimaced but didn’t say a word, just piled up some junk for them to shoot at. Ash lost track of the time they spent there shooting stuff at laughing. He was genuinely having fun and he probably blushed a little bit when he looked at Kelly from the corner of his eyes and saw that focused expression of hers. He knew he wouldn’t be able to take of his head anytime soon.

 

They were supposed to spend three days seeing each other before Blanca came back and Ash started training again. He always had some time to see his gang members so he could maybe pile up some time to see Kelly too. Their activities together weren’t always shooting or talking about their past; he learned a bunch of new things about Kelly. The brunette was 15 years old, roughly a year older than him, but she looked way older. She was scared of thunderstorms because when she lived alone on the streets she felt like she would die any minute if a thunder struck her; she had an unbelievable weakness for cats. Kelly Momsen, the tough gang leader who could beat you into a pulp without even batting an eye, loved cute kittens. It was a fact.

 

Kelly, too, learned things about Ash. Except the thing about the pumpkins. Screw him if he was ever going to tell that to anyone. Griff had already laughed at his face when he told him what happened that night. He then ruffled his hair and whispered a soft _I’s okay, Aslan, you’re safe now_ accompanied by one of Griff’s sweetest smiles. Griff’s smiles were always the sweetest. Hell, he really missed his brother. He didn’t want to let go of his hand when they parted ways… but he had to. There wasn’t any other option.

 

A strong, growing fondness for Kelly was starting to grow inside of Ash. Then, the last day they had agreed to meet, Ash found Kelly’s corpse on the park. The green, almost yellow-ish grass was now red, stained with the blood of the person he thought he liked.

 

Ash didn’t have to turn around to see who had committed such atrocity but he did nevertheless, to glare at the bastard.

 

Marvin _._

_I killed your little girlfriend._ He said.

 

It was his fault. Ash knew Marvin liked to follow him around but he still let himself grow attached to Kelly. And because he was this selfish and spent time with her…

 

* * *

 “I couldn’t save her.” Ash said, his eyes saddening. Remembering this story always made him feel like shit. Sure, Marvin was dead (not by his hands, he couldn’t avenge Kelly) but he was dead, and Eiji was in his life.

 

He didn’t know if he had to feel relieved or scared now that Eiji was in his life. Because back then, with Kelly, _he thought_ he liked her. Like, really liked her because Kelly was amazing. But with Eiji, Ash knew he was _in love._ Ash’s eyes were welling up with tears. Why did everyone close to him had to suffer? He had lost count of how many times he had to ask himself that question.

 

Eiji gazed at Ash, concern written all over his deep brown eyes. He was going to apologize again for asking about the girl, huh? Japanese people are always apologizing.

 

“Are you feeling bad for me again?” Ash asked “The world won’t let me mingle with normal people anymore.”

 

He was about to correct himself because Kelly wasn’t normal at all but Eiji intervened.

 

“If me being here is a burden to you…” Eiji muttered. Ash was done with making Eiji feel bad. He should’ve gone to Japan before, or maybe he shouldn’t have met him in the first place. Ash didn’t deserve Eiji and Eiji didn’t deserve this suffering.

 

Ash had fallen for Eiji when he noticed his warmth; the warmth in his eyes, in his touch, in his promised forevers… in Eiji himself. Eiji Okumura was the definition of warmth.

 

“No, it’s not that- forget it, I don’t want to fight.” Ash sighed. He had already fought with Eiji and felt bad enough for having lashed out at him once. He didn’t want it to happen twice.

 

“Ash.” Eiji said, determined. Were they really going to fight again? The night before Ash was going to settle scores with Arthur? Please, no. “Stop acting like you’re the only one who feels this.”

 

_This?_

 

_Shit._

 

“What?” He asked, bewildered. Eiji was much more keen and sharp that what he looked like, so… what if he _knew?_

 

“This between us. I love you too, you know. You don’t have to act like you’re pushing me away to protect me.”

 

“I… Eiji…”

 

“Ash, you _deserve this. Me. Feeling loved._ I feel protected when I’m with you; I feel like my soul is bound to yours. What do you think I’d do without you? I know that behind those green eyes of yours you hide a lot of pain but there’s also the person I’m in love with: this gentle, loving caring person who’s dumb and hates pumpkins and mocks me for hating moths and…” Eiji kept rambling about how much he loved Ash and...

 

 _Well, you’re screwed._ Ash thought. _And so am I._

 

“Eiji, you know what happened to that girl who was close to me and she belonged to my world; which means that I can’t be with anyone, no matter from which world they are. You don’t belong here.” Ash bitterly let go.

 

That was wrong and would probably make Eiji angry. Again. He was going to screw up again.

 

Eiji stood up and sat at the couch, besides Ash, and put a hand on Ash’s trembling shoulders. Then Ash grabbed Eiji’s hand and clasped it tightly.

 

“Eiji. Don’t let go” He whispered against Eiji’s shoulders. The I love you was left unspoken as Eiji pressed a chaste kiss on Ash’s blond, beautiful hair. They didn’t have to say it. Eiji said it because he knew Ash was repressing his feelings, but between them, they really didn’t need to say it.

 

* * *

 

Ash knows he has a problem. He dies letting Eiji go because this is how it should be. Because he shouldn’t have even tried going to Japan. All the soft kisses and touches and embraces they shared after that night shouldn’t have happened. He shouldn’t have let himself get attached to Eiji, but…

 

Their souls would always be connected.

 

* * *

 

 

Eiji knows he has a problem, he thinks, staring at Ash’s computer. But how was he supposed to let Ash go if his soul would always be with him?

 

He still remembers the day he knew Ash had died. He still remembers how much he had hated Lao and how much he still does.

 

But he knows he can’t keep hiding Ash’s pictures forever. Because…

 

Ash is alive inside his soul, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Tada! I'm here again! I've written a longer piece this time! It feels rushed but I've had this idea in my head for a while and wanted to write about the girl, so here you have this piece of garbage. I feel like shit for having killed the girl even though this happens in canon but *sobs* KELLY ILY
> 
> I'm gifting this work to my precious friend SabyPhantomhive because she has helped me with the beta, with the ideas and because i love her.
> 
> Also I gave myself the rights to invent stuff and bend the canon please forgive me but I wanted to try it out!
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys this, though! please, comments and kudos are really appreciated.
> 
> See you in another fic <3


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